I Had a Devastating Miscarriage. Now What?

You’re sitting in your bathroom, staring at two pink lines. Your heart is racing, your mind jumps to all the people you need to tell, and you’re quickly propelled into a process of preparation for and excitement about this new member of your family.

Later on, your joy is shattered when you realize that you’re having a miscarriage. Everything you and your spouse had been dreaming of morphs into a nightmare. You’re confronted with a million decisions about what medical treatments you may need, who to talk to, and how to process this loss. Although it’s hard to know what steps to take, navigating this situation well is crucial for your mental health and your relationship with your spouse. We are here to help you develop an action plan so you can move forward as a couple and manage your feelings in a healthy way.

If you are grieving a miscarriage, these are a few steps that will be essential to your healing process:

• Open up to close family and friends.

It can be difficult to share hard things with those you love, but it is very important that you seek out a support system during this hard time. Your friends and family are there to love you and help you and your spouse. Letting them in on what’s going on gives them the opportunity to step in and support you when you’re at your most vulnerable. If you’re not sure how to go about the conversation, seek out a trusted counselor or spiritual advisor who can help you open up about it.

• Find ways to grieve.

A miscarriage is a significant loss, no matter what, and many mourning parents are surprised by the level of grief they feel. It is important to find ways to acknowledge your loss, and mourn how drastically the plans for your future have changed. There is no right way to mourn, but it is very important that you find some ways to process this loss as a couple. Some options may be having a memorial for the child, creating art that honors your experience, or writing a thoughtful post about it on social media. Keep in mind that everyone has different methods of coping. This means that your spouse’s response may be very different from yours, and that’s okay.

• Create community with people who understand.

If you don’t have friends or family members who have experienced miscarriage, it can be very helpful to find people who have. This could be through a support group, online community, or perhaps a mutual friend. Open your mind to the possibility of meeting new people you will be able to relate to in this area of your life. Being able to talk about it with people who understand can be a crucial part of healing.

• Seek professional help for both of you.

According to an article in Adultspan Journal, 50% of women who lose a pregnancy experience intense psychological complications linked to disorders like depression, anxiety, and PTSD. Even if that’s not your experience, you will likely feel a profound sense of loss. It is normal and healthy to seek help from a trusted counselor who can help you work through your thoughts and feelings surrounding your miscarriage, and it is important that your spouse gets the help they need as well.

At Stonebriar Counseling Associates, we are here to help you with anything you may need. Please contact us so we can connect you with a counselor who will walk you through these steps, provide resources, and give you more personalized advice on how to heal and bond with your spouse through this tragedy.